June 24, 2008

Choose your weapon: Cigars of the coaching elite

The men from The Rivalry, Esq. have put together a great, tongue-in-cheek look at the cigar preferences of several of coaching's elite.

John Galsworthy's famous observation, "By the cigars they smoke, and the composers they love, ye shall know the texture of men's souls," is not lost on this fan.

What follows is a tongue-in-cheek review of four modern coaches at top ebb and their predicted smoke of choice.

...

NICK SABAN
Gurkha "His Majesty's Reserve" (HMR) (7.5'' x 52)

This royal entry holds the distinction of being the most expensive cigar in the world. At $750.00 a piece (a box of 20 is available for $14,999.95 at Cigar.com) the HMR is accessible to only a handful of elites. Fortunately, Nick Saban's paycheck at Alabama just qualifies him.

An aged Dominican-leaf is loaded with a proprietary filler blend flown in from four corners of the world. An entire bottle of Louis XIII Cognac is involved in an infusion process that rivals great triumphs in modern engineering.

Fewer than 100-boxes of HMR are released each year with Gurkha Cigars President Kaizad Hansotia exclusively responsible for their distribution. Fortunately for Nick, Hansotia is a Crimson Tide fan. There are some things money can't buy, and other things that just aren't worth the price. We know Saban isn't the former -- the later remains to be determined.

...

JIM TRESSEL
Sabor Cubano Grand Torpedo (7'' x 54)

Those who think of Senator straightforward as having a political demeanor more akin to Ronald Reagan than the slippery-rock antics of Bill Clinton might be surprised to discover he shares one key habit of leisure with Mr. "It Depends."

As the Columbus Dispatch reported in January: "Tressel's vices appear to be few. He might sip a glass of red wine from time to time, but he's not a big drinker...He smokes the occasional cigar but is just as likely to chew on the unlit stogie as he listens to contemporary country music and mows the yard...a favorite pastime."

Tressel...really? It's true. I know first hand. The mom-and-pop cigar shop where Tress' buys his stogies happens to be my favorite study nook: Barclay Pipe & Tobacco in Upper Arlington. This hidden gem, leftover from the old Lane Avenue Mall 10 minutes from campus is a timeless retreat. Neatly framed and inconspicuously hung next to the door (so that you might miss it if you weren't looking) is an autographed extra glossy photo of Jim: "To my friends at the Barclay..." it reads plainly.

The Sabor Cubano is a natural maduro -- no fancy leaf treatments here -- that burns slow and sweet, with easy subdued notes of nutmeg and freshly cut grass, and transitions into a long, white ash. Simple and elegant like the man himself.

The blog goes on to suggest the smoke of choice for FSU's Bobby Bowden and Michigan's Rich Rodriguez, but somehow manages to leave out a couple of notorious BCS game coaches... and so -- in the spirit of The Rivalry, Esq. piece -- here are our suggestions for USC's Pete Carroll, LSU's Les Miles, and SMU's June Jones.

PETE CARROLL
5 1/2 inch, 42 ring gauge La Corona
You and I both know it -- Pete Carroll is only going to smoke the most exclusive cigar out there. Forget cuban cigars -- those are for Big XII coaches who idolize T. Boone. No, the brightest star in the coaching universe isn't smoking something that your college kid smuggled into the country by hiding it God knows where. Carroll has been in Vogue magazine, people... hello?! Nah, PC's got Snoop on speed dial, so Mr. Pac10 resurgance is only smoking La Corona cigars aged 101 years... at a cool $1,000 a pop.

LES MILES
6 inch, 50 ring guage Honduran Primero Toro
You never know when you're going to get pulled away from a good smoke to an impromptu press conference to announce that you are a) very mad, and b) not taking another job. So... if you're Les Miles, you need a fast smoke that isn't going to break the bank. The Honduran Primero Toro are hand-rolled factory rejects sold in bulk. Sure, you could buy cigars that come in a fancy box, but... can you get fifty of 'em delivered for $1 each? I didn't think so.

JUNE JONES
Forget cigars... pass him something... herbal
There is no way that June Jones smokes cigars. Oh... maybe in public with the SMU boosters, but he's much more likely to sneak into a party over in Deep Ellum and find something a little more... herbal. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Jones would be right at home barefooted and passing around a hookah pipe and blowing some Blue Mist Starbuzz Shisha.

I was almost inclined to do a cigar of choice for one Mr. Urban Meyer, but I didn't want to have to find those sunglasses that Hippy & other keep references.

So... anybody in the mood to light one up? If so, check out Jack Schwartz's place in Chicago - you won't be disappointed.

Comments:

Choose your weapon: Cigars of the coaching elite
The men from The Rivalry, Esq. have put together a great, tongue-in-cheek look at the cigar preferences of several of coaching's elite.
John Galsworthy's famous observation, "By the cigars they smoke, and the composers they love, ye shall know the texture of men's souls," is not lost on this fan. What follows is a tongue-in-cheek review of four modern coaches at top ebb and their predicted smoke of choice. ... NICK SABAN Gurkha "His Majesty's Reserve" (HMR) (7.5'' x 52) This royal entry holds the distinction of being the most expensive cigar in the world. At $750.00 a piece (a box of 20 is available for $14,999.95 at Cigar.com) the HMR is accessible to only a handful of elites. Fortunately, Nick Saban's paycheck at Alabama just qualifies him. An aged Dominican-leaf is loaded with a proprietary filler blend flown in from four corners of the world. An entire bottle of Louis XIII Cognac is involved in an infusion process that rivals great triumphs in modern engineering. Fewer than 100-boxes of HMR are released each year with Gurkha Cigars President Kaizad Hansotia exclusively responsible for their distribution. Fortunately for Nick, Hansotia is a Crimson Tide fan. There are some things money can't buy, and other things that just aren't worth the price. We know Saban isn't the former -- the later remains to be determined. ... JIM TRESSEL Sabor Cubano Grand Torpedo (7'' x 54) Those who think of Senator straightforward as having a political demeanor more akin to Ronald Reagan than the slippery-rock antics of Bill Clinton might be surprised to discover he shares one key habit of leisure with Mr. "It Depends." As the Columbus Dispatch reported in January: "Tressel's vices appear to be few. He might sip a glass of red wine from time to time, but he's not a big drinker...He smokes the occasional cigar but is just as likely to chew on the unlit stogie as he listens to contemporary country music and mows the yard...a favorite pastime." Tressel...really? It's true. I know first hand. The mom-and-pop cigar shop where Tress' buys his stogies happens to be my favorite study nook: Barclay Pipe & Tobacco in Upper Arlington. This hidden gem, leftover from the old Lane Avenue Mall 10 minutes from campus is a timeless retreat. Neatly framed and inconspicuously hung next to the door (so that you might miss it if you weren't looking) is an autographed extra glossy photo of Jim: "To my friends at the Barclay..." it reads plainly. The Sabor Cubano is a natural maduro -- no fancy leaf treatments here -- that burns slow and sweet, with easy subdued notes of nutmeg and freshly cut grass, and transitions into a long, white ash. Simple and elegant like the man himself.
The blog goes on to suggest the smoke of choice for FSU's Bobby Bowden and Michigan's Rich Rodriguez, but somehow manages to leave out a couple of notorious BCS game coaches... and so -- in the spirit of The Rivalry, Esq. piece -- here are our suggestions for USC's Pete Carroll, LSU's Les Miles, and SMU's June Jones. PETE CARROLL 5 1/2 inch, 42 ring gauge La Corona You and I both know it -- Pete Carroll is only going to smoke the most exclusive cigar out there. Forget cuban cigars -- those are for Big XII coaches who idolize T. Boone. No, the brightest star in the coaching universe isn't smoking something that your college kid smuggled into the country by hiding it God knows where. Carroll has been in Vogue magazine, people... hello?! Nah, PC's got Snoop on speed dial, so Mr. Pac10 resurgance is only smoking La Corona cigars aged 101 years... at a cool $1,000 a pop. LES MILES 6 inch, 50 ring guage Honduran Primero Toro You never know when you're going to get pulled away from a good smoke to an impromptu press conference to announce that you are a) very mad, and b) not taking another job. So... if you're Les Miles, you need a fast smoke that isn't going to break the bank. The Honduran Primero Toro are hand-rolled factory rejects sold in bulk. Sure, you could buy cigars that come in a fancy box, but... can you get fifty of 'em delivered for $1 each? I didn't think so. JUNE JONES Forget cigars... pass him something... herbal There is no way that June Jones smokes cigars. Oh... maybe in public with the SMU boosters, but he's much more likely to sneak into a party over in Deep Ellum and find something a little more... herbal. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think Jones would be right at home barefooted and passing around a hookah pipe and blowing some Blue Mist Starbuzz Shisha. I was almost inclined to do a cigar of choice for one Mr. Urban Meyer, but I didn't want to have to find those sunglasses that Hippy & other keep references. So... anybody in the mood to light one up? If so, check out Jack Schwartz's place in Chicago - you won't be disappointed.